Reality TV has moved to Washington DC.

   So, if nothing else came out of the debt ceiling debacle over the last few weeks, the fact that republicans watch way too much reality TV and that democrats are not only spineless fucktards, but are also showing their true colors, were established in the debate.
   Republicans in the House threw temper tantrums about spending cuts, senate republicans took a step back and said "let's see where this goes" and Democrats winked at Wall Street before putting their dukes up for a fight they promised to throw in the 10th round. So, what does this say about the political and social climate? In a country that only riots if the Lakers win a fucking championship do we expect anything else from the politicians that represent us? Who really knows? One thing can be said about the situation: the people and all other organisms of this country are having a difficult time due to the decisions and useless squabbling taking place in Washington DC. It has gotten so bad of late that the argument has been brought back to the polarized level I used to view the world through when I was 18. Were Devo and Mike Judge (creator of the movie Idiocracy) right? Are we de-evolving? As I usually like to do, lets see what heroin, Amy Goodman has to say about this:

Dan and Pete Argue

Pete. Please note: This horseshit is not the same...


As this vomit. I win. xoxo Dan.

Oh Amy. We love you.

Can You Believe this Shit?

Even Jiz & the Mammograms likes Colonix.

Demo and Other Useless Shit You Need in Your Life

Yup, we have a CD demo available for purchase. It has 8 songs recorded by the wonderful, yet suspiciously all-too-sober, Ben Libay in his studio down in Maple Valley, WA. After a brief argument about where Maple Valley actually is (Dan mistook it for the Seattle north-end neighborhood, Maple Leaf), the band puttered into the studio. A total of three hours was spent recording the 16 minutes worth of music. It would have been one hour if Dan knew how to play guitar and didn't have to come back and re-track half of the demo. Ben mixed it in the Colonix practice space and mastered it partially. The rest of the mastering was left to Joe Rizzy. We neglected to add any of this information in the demo itself to save Ben and Joe the embarrassment of being linked at all with Colonix.

Ben pulled out all the stops for this demo, employing techniques Steve Albini himself would give thumbs up to. He took a minimalist approach to recording us, using as few microphones as he could. He also insisted the power outage that occurred, resulting in us having to re-record a few of the songs, was probably for the best. "Computer editing software isn't that good," he lamented.

Reviews of the demo thus far have been mixed. Cely is pretty sure that "farting into a microphone" would produce better results. Our straight edge constituency, Coleen Holloway and Bobby Cata think it's about time a band returned to punk ethics found in the early 80s when people didn't know how to play their instruments. "It's painfully obvious that is the case with this CD, Dan... Way to go!" Coleen said. We have yet to hear from either of Dan's housemates who refuse to even claim ownership of the demo citing, "it's bad enough I have to hear you guys practice once a week through the floor."

Included is a lyric sheet detailing an explanation why only a few of the lyrics were written down (something about Jr. threatening to shoot Dan). The chicken scratch Dan calls "writing" is difficult to read. So, its a pretty irrelevant piece of paper. And Pete is pretty proud of making the actual CD look like a ransom note written on a bathroom floor. Anyway, if you want one, send us a message: 77colonix77@gamil.com. Or, you can come to our next show if you live in the Seattle area.

We also have buttons and some limited edition cassette demos* for sale.

*Note: see the blog titled "Your Colonic" to obtain a consumer report/warning about this product.

Worry not Vandana Shiva, all is not lost.

Ladies, gentlemen and transgender folks, I bring you the Grolar Bear. It is a subject Colonix fans should familiarize themselves with as certain members of the band are obsessed with this new species of bear. Yes, it really exists. We found conclusive evidence of the Grolar Bear in 2006, when a fucking hunter shot and killed one, thinking it was a Polar Bear (as if hunting a known species of animal on the endangered species list is any better).

The hybridization of a Polar Bear and Grizzly Bear occurred not in a lab, zoo, circus or some other sociopath born institution of captivity. No, my friends, this bear hybrid happened in nature.The question looms: how, or, why would this happen? And there are theories. Well, there is one popular theory that is nothing more than a long-winded, pompous "I don't know". And then there is my theory, which is much more exciting, dramatic and anthropomorphic and fits into the theme of Earth Day... even though I'm a day late.

It's quite simple, really. Both bears are marginalized apex predators. The Grizzlies were pushed out of much of their habitat early on in European occupation of North America. One can only assume they are still angry about losing California to the likes of Arnold Schwartzenegger and Spanish Missionaries. And Polar Bears are in a struggle with human colonialism in the age of globalization. Their fight with melting ice floes is much more difficult than with that of a "sports" hunter.

So, somewhere along the lines they read Che Guevara's "Guerrilla Warfare" (no doubt discovered him seeing environmental studies interns donning the stencil t-shirts of his face) and decided that inter-species breeding of the largest land predators in the world would result in a super bear: just the weapon they'd need in their war against civilization. Unfortunately, they were wrong. The Grolar Bear tends to be smaller than both and it seems that infighting and an inability to consistently find common grounds (quite literally, Grizzlies hate the ice and Polar Bears hate getting dirt in their paws) among the species has created nothing but setbacks. Nevertheless, this author is of the opinion that the bears are on the right track. That the coalescing of these two species will give the civilized a run for their money.

On a more serious note, we should give Bolivia and Ecuador a hi-five for being the first among many countries to pass a law that gives nature equal rights to humans. Here's an interview with Vandana Shiva and Maude Barlow, two environmentalists who put this idea into perspective better than I ever could: